When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
