I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i now understand why vodka
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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