I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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