So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
