Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
