I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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