I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
