I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
