i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
