I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
