yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
