so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
