just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
