I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
