this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
