I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
