I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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