you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
