Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
