sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
