Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
