i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
