I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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