you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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