And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
