3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
