At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
