At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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