This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
