my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
