even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
