Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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