when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
