Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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