You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
