I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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