none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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