saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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