so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
