Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm at about main and main street
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
