If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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