I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize