Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Holy sore nipples Batman
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
