I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
