Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
