Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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