Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
