alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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