is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize