i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im part way to drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
