Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
