Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
