Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
