I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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