I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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