Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
