She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
