My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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