I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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