It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
