I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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