i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
