Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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