Me too!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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