textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
