She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
