Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
