I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize