She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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