Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
