every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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