Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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