i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
