I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
