I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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