I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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