I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize