So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We're too hungover to prance.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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